Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Cruisin' (part 1)

I'm going to warn you right now. This story is a three-parter, there are a lot of very "important" details contained within, and I don't want you to miss any of them by cutting this all down to a small story. This is part 1. You might want to use the rest room, it's going to be a while before we have a chance to stop again. (See how I'm getting ready to be a dad?)

None of the names in the story have been changed to protect anyone. No one was really innocent, so why protect them.

Seeing as how I have written a good deal about my background with sports, and I've talked about how much I enjoy participating in sports, it might come as a surprise to you to know that I'm not really a very masculine guy. Sure I go out and have a drink with my friends from time to time, but it's more common for you to find me sitting down and watching a Sandra Bullock film with my wife. (I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for "While you were sleeping.)

So, when I get the opportunity to go to a bachelor party, it's not something I typically leap at the opportunity to take part in. More often than not, said parties involve a trip to a strip club, and I've never really enjoyed going to them. It's not that I have any sort of problem with the type of places that they are, or that I mind that I think that women are objectified there. If a woman can earn a good living dancing mostly naked in front of a group of guys, more power to her. If she doesn't mind the work and it's a safe place for her to do it, have at it.

As for me, I've just never felt like looking at a group of women gyrating on poles is a great way to spend my evening. Hell, I have high speed internet at home. I can download porn from now until rapture and still have a pocket full of singles when I'm done. Not that I would ever do anything like that... um... ah.... How about that game involving your local football team? They look like, um, guys that could do stuff.

Anywho... I was invited to go to my friend Tony's bachelor party and when the time to decide whether or not I would join with the group of them to go to a local casino and then a strip club, I decided "why not."

One of the problems that I've noticed when people go to a strip club is the fact that they drink far too much alcohol. This may be a shock to some of you, but I think that those fine establishments actually WANT you to drink too much. Those heartless bastards.

So, before we went to the club, most of us had lost a good deal of money at the blackjack tables. I personally donated $40 to the fine people of the Ho Chunk nation within my first two minutes and decided that if I were to continue spending at that clip that I would be naked and homeless by 11:00 that night. I didn't think that was a winning proposition for anyone, so I walked away from the table and decided that I was much better off losing my money (on $2 beers) at the casino bar.

After roaming around the casino for a while, I managed to run into the rest of our 10-man group that had just finished concluding their business in the casino. I should have paid more attention to a gentleman named Don. Don had managed to win approximately $200 in the two hours that we were in the casino. He then proceeded to lose that $200 in 2 minutes on two individual hands of Blackjack. Some people just don't know when to quit. This will factor in later in the evening.

To be continued....


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