Wednesday, July 28, 2004

My dad thought of it while shaving (Part 1)

Recently I was having a discussion with some friends and we were all lamenting the fact that none of us had a nickname.

I had a few when I was growing up, but none of them ever seemed to stick. The first ones that I can recall were the incredibly imaginative "Haagster" and it's partner, "Glenster." Seriously, who wants a nickname that actually contains their entire name. Nicknames are supposed to be some cool word that describes some great thing you did or make fun of you in a way that everyone, including yourself, can enjoy. If you asked someone what the chief characteristic of a guy called Haagster, they'd probably say something like.

"Um... he's a guy. Probably some guy named Haagster."

I decided not to let those names take and tried to get people to move onto some names that were a touch more creative.

The next one that came up was "Haagaboom." I really thought this one would stick long term, but alas it faded away.

The origin of the name was not really all that much of a stretch, but it's a slightly interesting story (aren't they all.) I was involved in a Fantasy Football league when I was in the 8th grade, and during that season the NFL went on strike. To this day I don't recall how I managed to pick him up, but I grabbed Gary Hogeboom off of the waiver wire. Gary was a Quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts and he decided to cross the picket lines and play while the rest of the player's association was on strike. As a result, I was the only person that had someone that was actually active during the fantasy season and won the league. Well, when a guy named Haag picks up a guy named Hogeboom people tend to remember stuff like that.

I was Haagaboom for about 6 months or so and then a name really stuck with me.

For those of you that know me, you'd be able to attest that I'm not the most handy of fellows. So, signing up for shop class was probably not my best move. But I was jonesing for a pencil holder and that was the only way I could try to construct one for free. One of the issues that I didn't count on when I got into shop class was the fact that my temper could cause a problem.

One day, when applying some stain to my incredible pencil holder (it could hold pens too!) someone decided to make fun of me for some reason and I decided to take matters into my own hands (you'll groan in a minute.) Being the hot head that I was, I thought it would be a good plan to stick my hands in stain and go and put a huge hand print on the back of his shirt. Well, after you do something stupid like that you're bound to get a name out of it. "Stainmaster" was born.
I don't really recall how long that name lasted because I really tried to shed it as quickly as possible, but I couldn't really come clean. At this point, I'll understand if you want to leave after reading that poor attempt at a joke, it wasn't my best effort, but it's all I've got for now.

To be continued....


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