Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Guess who's back...

To quote Andy from Deadwood, "I apologize." I never really intended to disappear from my center of crapulence on the internet, but as things started to build up, I just had too much going on.

In the past few months my wife and I moved into our new home and Sarah gave birth to our first child, a little girl named Gabrielle Lyn.

Already I've learned a few things regarding parenthood that I feel that I needed to talk about, in the only forum that I have readily accessable to me. Also, posting it here lets my child look back at some point and realize that I might have actually been concerned about their well being for the early part of their life.

1. If you're going to give your child a nickname, it's important to really think it through.

Gabrielle was born a little over 2 weeks early, and as a result was a slightly smaller child than most. She was born at 6 pounds and 13 ounces, just so you know. By the time we left the hospital, she was down to 6 pounds and 3 ounces. All very normal things. She was, and still is, a pretty small child and it came very natural to me to call her "Little One."

One thing that I didn't think of is the situation that could occur when I was changing her for the first time in a rest room.

Let me just put it this way. When another man walks into a restroom, he doesn't want to hear someone saying, "Well, hello there Little One."

2. Be careful with the sorts of language that you expose your child to.

Before Gabrielle was born, Sarah and I would watch all sorts of programming on HBO. HBO, while a fine maker of television programming, is pretty free with the language that they allow their shows to use. On the whole this doesn't bother me.

Recently Sarah and I were watching an episode of the aformentioned Deadwood and as I was sitting there with my daughter, I noticed that she was staring at the television. It was only then that it struck me that I might want to be careful with what programming that I'm going to watch in the future. I know I would find it funny, although I doubt many others (Social Services included) would think so, that one of my daughters first words could be "c***sucker."

3. Time your trips carefully.

I know I'm just bucking the odds on this one, but as luck would have it Gabrielle has not had a "truly" dirty diaper for me in the last week or more. You can't even begin to understand how much this annoys my wife. Not only does Gabrielle cry less when I'm at home, but she also makes the diaper changing easier for me. Just one of the many reasons that I love my daughter so. Although if this does keep up, I'm certain that Sarah will be keeping one of them aside for me after she changes Gaby just so I can share in the experience.

Oh, I'm certain to have more of these nuggets (no pun intended) of wisdom strike me in the upcoming weeks and months, but I felt that it was important to share. After all, that's what Anal Minutia is all about...my little, useless, pieces of crap that I want to share with you all.


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